Achieving WorkLife Balance When Workaholism is the Norm

Sometimes it seems that we are all expected to be workaholics these days. I just read an article yesterday, about how summer vacations are disappearing for young people who want to "reach ahead" and are attending summer school, not to make up for failed grades, but to take next year's classes ahead of time. And a few months ago, a client announced that "having a job is the new raise." So when does overwork cross from being a matter of survival in today's cut-throat job market, to being an addiction?

Attaining a reasonable work-life balance is certainly part of avoiding compulsive work patterns. But it is one thing to make time to be with your family, and another to actually be present with them, rather than being there in body only, with your mind still at the office.

So what are the warning signs you may have an unhealthy attachment to work? Some possibilities to think about are:

• Only socializing with people from work, or worse still, considering your work life to be your social life -- relationships at work are based on mutual professional goals, not on personal affection.
• Dissociating when you are with family and friends -- whether this is to think more about work, or to shut down after being too switched on at work.
• Feeling unable to disconnect from work, staying hyperconnected or checking your work email during evenings, weekends, or even first thing in the morning.
• Depending on caffeine to function, both in and out of work, because you aren't able to get enough rest.
• Feeling more of a sense of responsibility and obligation to your employer than to your spouse, your parents, or your children -- or to your own happiness, if you have none of these relationships.

Don't be too quick to dismiss complaints from family or friends that you are too busy to have time for them. Relationships can weaken and break down from neglect, even if you are spending time on them. If you are less enthusiastic about being with loved ones than you are about being with colleagues, your personal relationships need more of your attention.

So what should you do if you think you have become a workaholic? You need to approach the problem from both sides -- set boundaries and limit your focus on work to the appropriate times and places, and also put some energy and attention into your personal life. This can be difficult if you have become bored or disengaged with your loved ones, but it is worth the effort. Spending one on one time with each person might be easier than group time to begin with.